Little Talks
by I'veGottaGay
Summary: Santana has to cope with Brittany leaving her life.  AU.  Angsty songfic


_I don't like walking around this old and empty house,_

You sit in the chair she used to sit in because you can imagine her there, holding you in her arms. You sit and you miss her.

_So hold my hand and I'll walk with you, my dear._

You watch dust swirl in the sunlight by the window. You think you can see her, standing there with her hand outstretched. She smiles, and those crinkles that you loved so much appear next to her eyes, even if it's a sad smile.

_The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awake,_

When you lie alone at night, you hear sounds from the stairway and can't help but hope that she's coming up to lie next to you. You wish you could see her just one more time. Ten more seconds.

_It's the house telling you to close your eyes._

You're too tired to stay awake any longer, and your heavy eyelids begin to droop shut. As you close them, you catch a glimpse of her. She's smiling that same sad smile. You cry yourself to sleep for the twelfth night in a row.

_Some days I can't even trust myself,_

Whenever you see her, you wonder if your mind is playing tricks on you. At first, you were worried, but now you embrace the chance to look at her again. You cherish those moments of insanity you spend weaving an image of her.

_It's killing me to see you this way._

She looks at you with regret in her deep blue eyes. She wants you to move on, but you can't. Her image begins to fade, little by little, day by day, and you hate yourself for letting it slip away.

_Cause though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safely to the shore._

You visit her grave, hoping to resurrect those feelings that brought on illusions of her. Nothing happens, so you set down the flowers you brought, and you leave, fresh tears making glistening tracks down your cheeks.

_There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back,_

You see her less often now. Sometimes you want to move on, but then you break down again because you realize you're starting to forget her. Then you've gone back to square one.

_Well tell her that I miss our little talks._

Every time you see a picture of her, you curl up and sob. Anything that reminds you of her sets you off and you cry until you can't breathe.

_Soon it will be all over and buried without past,_

The pain is too much and you consider suicide. It would be so easy to swallow the container of Advil.

_We used to play outside when we were young and full of life and full of love._

Then you remember that she would be so disappointed if you gave up and killed yourself. She always thought you were a fighter. You can't let her down, so you put the bottle away.

_Some days I don't know if am wrong or right,_

Then you become angry and bitter. You hate her for leaving you. You're so lonely and enraged. You burn her pictures. You throw away her clothes.

_Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear._

You realize what you've done and sink down to the floor, wailing. You see her once more, standing above you with tears in her eyes. You lash out at her and her image dissipates, leaving you alone once more.

_Cause though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safely to the shore._

You don't speak to anyone for a week. You can't bring yourself to move from the ashes of her burned photographs. Instead, you wallow in self-pity and pray that it gets better. Somehow, you know it will.

_You're gone, gone, gone away I watched you disappear._

You realize for the first time that she's not there anymore. Another wave of pain engulfs you.

_All that's left is a ghost of you._

You see her shadow more often. You know it's not her, but you have no other source of comfort.

_Now we're torn, torn, torn apart, there's nothing we can do._

You slowly begin to recover. You stop blaming her, and you stop blaming yourself. For the first time since the accident, you can admit that she's dead without grief overwhelming you.

_Just let me go, we'll meet again soon._

Hurt doesn't stab itself through your chest when you hear her name anymore. You're healing, little by little.

_Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around._

You still reach out to try and touch her every time you see her spirit, but it doesn't ache so much.

_I'll see you when I fall asleep._

Every time you drift to sleep now, you smile because you know you'll dream of her. You know that she's waiting for you somewhere.

_Don't listen to a word I say. The screams all sound the same._

You're able to move on with your life now. You'll never forget her, and you know she'll always be watching over you, but it doesn't hurt anymore.

_Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safely to the shore._

And so you sit down in her chair again and you watch her figure walking into the sky one last time. You'll go through life waiting for the end, so you can see her again, but for now, you'll just miss her.


End file.
